Hot Koehl

I hear Toyota is contemplating a quick makeover to their current logo and tagline…

Wish I could take credit for it, but at least it comes complements of fellow PSL member Eight Eleven.

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My wife says I’m too much of a cynic. That may be true, but this is one beef that, after 100,000+ flight miles, I simply cannot ignore any longer. Why should anyone suffer needlessly? I spent the last week visiting my sister out in Denver, thus necessitating the need to fly out and back into Philadelphia International (PHL).

I’ve had bad experiences, but after this last trip, I’m going to do everything in my power to avoid this travelers’ hell-hole in the future.

I flew out Monday morning, which is one of the most popular days for business travelers. That’s not necessarily a problem, as these types of travelers are experienced and jump through the check-in and security hoops with relative ease. However, PHL has recently made the genius decision to consolidate their security checkpoints in the various terminals down to a single checkpoint.

Many airlines use this layout, but do so in buildings designed to handle that type of arrangement. The PHL terminals are like unique islands, without one main entry. None were intended to handle all the passenger traffic, so to force everyone go through one is pretty shortsighted. The space they chose, outside Terminal C, can only accommodate 3 scanners, and the inevitable line extends across a walkway back towards baggage claim at Gate C.

To make matters worse, they decided it would be a great idea to break convention by redefining the security lines. Most airports have a separate, faster line for first class passengers and employees. Everyone else gets into a general line. PHL breaks up the “general” line into two subdivisions: “expert travelers” and “newbie/families” (my terms). The difference here? Absolutely none: anyone can get in either line. However the “expert” line layout is shorter, so it typically goes faster, but you can’t see that until you’re in line, since the expert one sneaks around back of the snaking, Disney-ride-like “newbie” line. I learned this the hard way.

Let’s put this silliness in perspective: My destination, Denver International Airport (DEN), has a massive entrance atrium with no less than 12 security positions, and they separate the waiting lines into the usual “Employees/First Class” and “Everyone else.”

I fail to see the efficiency improvement, how about you?

Fast forward to my return flight, which was completely painless up until we landed on the tarmac at PHL, at which time the pilot told us that our gate was “occupied.” He put it best: “I don’t even know what to tell you about that, folks.”

Anyone who’s flown anywhere other than PHL knows that this is a prime situation for a fancy technique called the “gate change.” We were slated to go into Gate C28, but I could see from my window that C27 and C29 were available. I’m pretty sure they can make the same observations from the control tower, seeing as how it’s, y’know, a tower. With huge transparent windows.

Instead, we cruised the tarmac, past untold empty gates, for about 30 minutes. Again to put it in perspective, 30 minutes after my arrival in Denver, I was in the car, out of short term parking, and on on the highway with my sister.

Oh, but they saved the best for last.

If PHL is generally lackluster, they become out-and-out incompetent when it comes to baggage claim. Let’s start with the comparison up front: Denver had my bags on the carousel within 15 minutes, including oversized ski gear. And I had to take a tram to get to the baggage area.

PHL made me wait 70 minutes for my bags.

Let that one sink for a moment.

Fun with math: My entire flight was 3.5 hours, or 210 minutes. That means my bags essentially “flew” an extra 1/3 of the flight I just finished.

It seems almost non-sequitor to even mention the fact that the newly-installed LCD’s over each baggage carousel weren’t updating the flight numbers, instead showing flights from hours earlier. Hey guys, that fancy new technology is only cool if it’s actually working. Oggling flat screens simply because they are flat stopped being cool 5 years ago.

It’s a damn shame that natural market forces are unable to correct this problem-child of an airport. In a sane world, PHL would be bankrupt and/or under new management. Instead, regulation and lack of competition have allowed this wreck of a business to limp along, disappointing passengers and providing a horrendous first impression to Philadelphia visitors. Between this place and Newark, an airport located in South Jersey or northern Delaware would do awesome business.

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We all know most TV is pretty banal, but every now and then something comes along that provides insight, makes you think. So if you ever wondered what it’s really like to be the boss, you need to watch the latest episode of House. They’ve done an excellent job (based on my experience, anyway) capturing the reality of being in charge. Everyone looks to you to fix problems they can’t handle, and everything that goes wrong is ultimately your fault. It also gets really lonely at times. If you’re one of those people who think that the boss just sits at his/her desk and collects a big paycheck, this is a must-see.

The show’s writers and producers get extra bonus points from me for taking on the issue of healthcare, and having the stones to come right and say, “This is a business, and we need to make money.” They even couch the message in a scenario that most people should be able to appreciate from both sides. Very timely given all the discourse surrounding healthcare reform.

44 minutes, well worth it.

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…I suggest you do so immediately. We’ll have a major announcement by the end of the day, and the perks that come with signing up beforehand will go away at that time. Basically this is your last chance to get into the Fwd:Vault Beta, and enjoy the perks we have planned for our beloved early adopters.

Not-so-subtle hint: Beta users will have the chance to enjoy a serious lifetime discount.

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I had an interesting experience the other day at my local BJ’s (it’s like Sam’s Club and Costco). I had finished loading my items into my car, and was returning the cart to the corral, when I passed an employee gathering carts to reload the stack at the entrance. He had already gathered the carts from my nearest corral, so I figured I’d save him some work and tucked my cart onto the end of the line.

My good intentions were met with a lot of headshaking and a terse, “No, line’s full.” I apologized, and started to explain that I was just trying to help him out, and he repeated the same answer in the same cold tone. I took the cart off the end of the line, put it in the corral, and headed back to my car.

I didn’t even get to the car before I decided that, had that been one of my employees, I would have fired him on the spot.

From my perspective as the consumer, this gentleman couldn’t have done more to make me awful. He pointed a mistake I made, and blew off my explanation. I even apologized to him, and he still chastized my actions.

I walked away feeling like I had done wrong, like I had acted foolishly. No one likes making a mistake, but he only exacerbated my feelings by dismissing me again when presented with my explanation.

Having moved passed the experience, the business owner in me kicked into gear. I would be utterly mortified to know that one of my employees has left a customer feeling the way I did.

In this age of abundance, every consumer knows that they have a million options when it comes to just about anything. As a vendor, you simply cannot afford to give them excuses to look elsewhere. Forget being the stellar standout in your field, this is a minimum requirement simply to compete.

There is only one right answer for the employee in this situation: just say “thank you.” Wait for the customer to walk out of sight, pull the cart off the end, and go back to your job. I don’t care how much work they create for you, the customer has zero clue when it comes to the intricacies of shopping cart retrieval. And justifiably so: it’s not his job. I use the term “intricacies” here in a tongue-in-cheek fashion, but the same reality applies to almost any job.

The road to market failure surely begins where good (or at least neutral) consumer intentions meet employee apathy and negativity. If you can’t save the bad apple, cut it off.

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If you still don’t have any plans this evening and will be in the downtown Philadelphia area, you’re welcome to come out and meet me at the Philly Startup Leaders next Fishbowl event. We’ll be having a roundtable discussion of sales and marketing, with Fwd:Vault as the focus. Totally free to attend, light refreshments and snacks will be provided.

Registrations are still open, but you can make a last minute appearance if that’s what works for you.

PSL Fishbowl w/ Fwd:Vault
Wednesday, January 20th @ 7:00 pm
Terra Building, Room 1107
211 South Broad St., Philadelphia, PA

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I’m usually dreadfully behind on viral sensations, so this time I’m gonna stay ahead of the curve this time.

This aired on American Idol last night:

A “Pants on the Ground” Facebook fan page followed very shortly thereafter. My wife and I saw 40,000+ fans before midnight last night.

The morning after, “Pants on the ground” is a trending Twitter topic, and usage of #pantsontheground is spiking.

I think I know why this has been picked up en masse, and it’s not just because it’s a catchy tune. More analysis when I have time to lay it out.

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I know it’s last minute, but I’ll be at the PSL Happy Hour event tonight, mostly to plug my Fishbowl event next week. I’d love for you to come on out, grab a beer, and shoot the breeze.

6:30 – 9:30 PM
MidAtlantic Restaurant and Bar
3711 Market Street
Philadelphia, PA
215-386-3711
http://www.midatlanticrestaurant.com

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Fwd:Vault is hosting Philly Startup Leader’s next Fishbowl event, and you’re invited to attend for free!

So what’s a Fishbowl? An event that lives up to its namesake, really. One business puts itself in the metaphorical fishbowl, presenting itself and a current situation they are facing, and solicit the community for feedback. It’s beneficial for all involved: the hosting company gets valuable insight from knowledgeable sources on a targeted topic, wiser heads pass on their hard-earned knowledge, and everyone has the opportunity to learn and network.

The focus of the event is based on the hosting company’s needs. In my case, Fwd:Vault is “this close” to a commercial launch, and I need to start shifting my focus from development to marketing and sales. Unfortunately, my direct experience in these areas is pretty weak, and I’m making guesses about where to begin. Enter the Fishbowl, and community of business owners who have been there before. Insight ensues.

PSL Fishbowl w/ Fwd:Vault
Wednesday, January 20th @ 7:00 pm
Location: Terra Building, Room 1107
Address: 211 South Broad St.

Come meet me and other stellar business owners, learn, network.

PSL is a community of entrepreneurs in the Philadelphia area, I’ve written about them before.

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I visited my town hall this week to renew my annual street parking permit and, since all permits expire at end of the year, naturally there was a line. Amid the usual banter while my paperwork was processed, the woman behind the counter commented that everyone always waits until after the first of the year, despite permit renewals being available in October. “No matter what we do, it just doesn’t seem to work.”

I was instantly transported back to my early days as an in-house web developer, when I felt like putting my head through a wall every time a customer screwed something up that was laid out in plain English on the page.

“I never got the email.”
“Did you check your spam filters, as stated on the screen in large, red text?”

“I reset my password and the new one didn’t work.”
“You requested a new password 15 times. In 2 minutes. There’s a big warning about this in large, red text. Just make sure you use the one in the 15th email message.”
“I never got the email…”
/wrists

No matter what the activity, people will naturally only commit the minimum level of attention and brain power necessary to completing it. That’s why we never read the manual, the Post Office is open till midnight on April 15, and the permit lady will always have a rush after January 1.

Some industries embrace this reality with overwhelming success. Fast food is a great example. Don’t think, just pick something that looks good on the menu, or say a number. The installation services at Home Depot and Lowe’s leverage your inertia against home projects — “Ugh, I don’t wanna rip up the carpet…” — to sell you something that costs them practically nothing (they outsource the work to local contractors). Even my own Fwd:Vault project works this way, acknowledging that most people don’t want to deal with software and hardware to backup their files.

The technology sector in particular seems to struggle mightily against this issue when it comes to user interaction. The dialogs quoted earlier summarize actual conversations I’ve had with customers. In our defense, we have a pretty lofty objective: make literal, purely logical systems act in accordance with unpredictable, emotionally driven, abstract human beings. Burgers and flooring don’t have that problem.

We are getting better, as evidenced by modern web page layout norms and physical products like the iPhone and Flip Video. Yet still I’ve seen devs get visibly pissed off when a user breaks their system. There’s simply no need for this stress, and is in fact very counter-productive.

If you’re the type of geek who gets mad when someone breaks what you built, remember that the system failed, not you personally, and that development is very much a trial-and-error effort.

At the same time, we all must remember that no system — website, handheld device, anything with a user interface — will be used perfectly all the time. But every system can handle mistakes in a perfect fashion. Acknowledge that some measure of your user base will definitely use a safety net, and make putting them in place part of your regular routine. You’ll be less stressed, and your system will really shine.

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